Wednesday, January 12, 2005

So Long, F-- I mean, Tucker Carlson

Big news today is that CNN's head Jonathan Klein has finally axed media whore Tucker Carlson, a conservative pundit who co-hosted Crossfire. It's not news that Crossfire, which has been on the air since 1982, has experienced a 21% drop in ratings since Tucker Carlson came on to lambaste liberals with his own wacky brand of misdirection and lyin'. Now, Jon Stewart was on the show in October, and called poor Tucker a number of names I'm sure he'd never been called to by his trust fund stewards. My favorite is this exchange:

TUCKER: I do think you're funnier on your show, just my opinion.

STEWART: And you know what's interesting? You're just as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

It's worth watching: if you'd like to see it.

Now, insiders are saying that Tuckie's axing is due to his conduct in response to Stewart's one-man smackfest, which embarrassed CNN. What do we conclude from this? Jon Stewart is single-handedly saving America, one simpering bow-tie wearing idiot at a time. Bye-bye, Tucker. We'll miss ya.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Woke Up This Morning...

...with this recitative intro to A3's "Peace in the Valley" running through my head:

"For whatever reason you refuse to feel this space we're in, to know its insanity, really know it; whatever your particular anesthetic is, that you hold onto so desperate (the thing, I mean, that makes you think you know who you are); whatever that thing is you allow to keeps you sane, your ace in the hole, the psyche that keeps you trying to guess what your pimp has in store for you; whatever keeps you from screaming out at this very moment in absolute and sheer horror; whatever you fuck your brain with; whatever that is— whatever that is— It's a lie. It's a lie."

What's your lie? Really, I wanna know.

Mine's that I can see it's all a huge cosmic joke. No foolin', I really can! I can see where the punch line is written. It's a good joke, too. Problem is, it's on us. Problem is, I need to have a nice house and a nice job and a nice family and live in a place that's not swamped by tsunamis where I can buy a wrought-iron baker's rack if I want it whenever I want it with my online credit card purchase in order to keep seeing it.

Not that I need a wrought-iron baker's rack. Not right now, anyway.

This is the first January in four years I'm not looking for work. This is the first January in four years I can sleep nights, because I'm not worrying about how I'll feed my family in the coming fall when my contract runs out. Sleeping at night: that's worth a lot, when it comes to chuckling at the cosmic joke.