Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Keeping the Faith

This from our friends at the BBC:

The Roman Catholic Church in Italy has spoken out against what it says are "shameful and unfounded lies" in the best-selling novel The Da Vinci Code. Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, Archbishop of Genoa, broke the church's official silence on the controversial book. Its story about the Church suppressing the "truth" that Jesus had a child with Mary Magdalene has convinced many fans. But the cardinal's spokesman denied reports that the clergyman was asked by the Vatican to hit back at the book. Carlo Arcolao told the BBC's News website that it had been the cardinal's own decision to make a public statement about the book. Mr Arcolao confirmed that the cardinal told an Italian newspaper: "It astonishes and worries me that so many people believe these lies."

Yeah, your eminence, it astonishes and worries ME that a senior official of the most powerful religious organization in the world is wasting his time with this twenty-four carat bullshit. What Dan Brown didn't lift bodily for his contrived, boring, infantile little book from Umberto Eco's FOUCAULT'S PENDULUM and about a thousand other legends relating to the "cup of Christ" being a child of Jesus that certainly date back as far as the Templars, he ripped off completely from the Steve Jackson Games card game, ILLUMINATI, NEW WORLD ORDER. Oh, come on, people, anyone who's played the game could see that, and Lord knows I have! Dan's just been spending too much time playing Illuminati online. I can't believe that you're raising him on par with Gallileo or Da Vinci as a thinker whose writings are actually threatening to you. Hey, I know, let's have an auto-da-fe for the Teletubbies, while we're at it! On second thought, that'd it be worth it, just to see some burning Teletubbies. Meanwhile, Dan Brown, who is not a great writer but is certainly a rich one, is getting richer. More power to ya, Dan! Out of respect for your accomplishment in making Cardo Arco miffed at you, I WON'T put your picture up. End transmission.

Lapsus Atomica

This from the BBC:

The Sudanese government had a nasty shock this week, when it read on a US Congress website that the Americans had conducted nuclear tests in the country. A House of Representatives committee report mentioned tests conducted in Sudan between 1962 and 1970. However, when alarmed Foreign Minister Mustafa Osman Ismail raised it with US officials in Khartoum, it turned out to be a typing error. The report should have said Sedan, a test site in the US state of Nevada. "There is nothing that makes us so far doubt the explanations we have received from the US Administration," said Mr Ismail. He said he was very relieved to find that it was a simple error. "Our first concern of course was for the people of Sudan," he said. The American embassy in Khartoum issued a statement confirming that the US had never conducted nuclear tests in Sudan. The minister, however, remains determined to make completely sure. "Our investigations, which are already under way, will continue until we get to the bottom of this matter," he said.

Well, what a relief! The minister's tone here is telling, que no? He's not ruling out the possibility that the US did in fact conduct dangerous and illegal nuclear testing in the Sudan. I've included a picture of Mr. Ismail at the press conference, so you can see that everything is both hunky and dory. Still, my award goes to the Pentagon for top lapsus of March, and frankly I think this might be a contender for the Golden Lapsus of 2005.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Boy Wonder My A$$


10. Drawing fire with your brightly-colored costume while your exemplar lurks in the shadows
9. While your exemplar christens cruise ships, you christen mall openings.
8. Snide remarks from other sidekicks after the TV news shows your exemplar patting you on the butt
7. Singing harmony on the Christmas Album
6. Casting the deciding vote in the event of a Senate tie.
5. Being called "chum."
4. Mowing the lawn in front of the Hideout. "Well, it ain't mowin' itself, chum!"
3. Dating your exemplar's rejected lovers
2. Having to eat at the kids' table at your Supergroup's Annual Company Potluck
1. Being called "chum."